What if
by Ace's Shadow Girl
Summary: Different, not related one-shots about what if something weird happened to the Strawhats. Rated T for swear words and implied sexual content. First chapter definitely LuNa, second  up now  ZoSa but just friendship, others without pairings, I think.
1. Luffy and Nami slept together?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece or any of its characters. I just love them.

**Author's note: **I really hope they're not too OOC, it's kind of hard to make Luffy serious :-)

I intended to inscribe a chapter to every single crew member (well, sometimes two of them have to share one), so that no one can feel left out, and the succession will be after the order they joined up with the crew.

* * *

**Chapter 1: What If Luffy and Nami Slept Together?**

It was a smooth night on a summer island somewhere on the Grand Line. Our favourite pirate crew was there, sitting around a huge fire with the townspeople whom they had just freed of another idiot taking their money away and suppressing them without any particular reason. Of course Luffy had to mess with him without knowing it, and the idiot got angry and wanted to teach the Straw-Hats the ins and outs. Apparently he had never heard something of Wanted posters or bounties, and so it all ended up – needless to say – with him and his own crew fleeing and screaming in horror after Luffy and the others beat the crap out of them.

And the townspeople were incredibly thankful, handing them jewels (causing Nami to shout for joy) and lots of food supplies (causing Sanji to shout for joy), but more important, throwing a party with even more food (causing Luffy to shout for joy) and plenty of alcohol (causing Zoro … well, you know what I want to say). Anyhow, it was a great party, one of the best the Straw-Hats had ever had. Luffy stuffed himself with every eatable object within his reach (and, as you know Luffy and his abilities, this is quite a little), Zoro drowned all his existing, non-existing and problems-soon-to-be in the sake handed to him from the all too eager townspeople, Usopp told his incredible, epic stories sitting on a chair that stood on a table, with lots of keenly listening people around him, and Sanji – well, Sanji sat in some dark corner surrounded by giggling girls who blushed at his fluted compliments. Chopper and Franky danced to Brook's violin as if they were insane, Franky with the obligatory coke in his hand, and Nami and Robin sat comfortably on beach chairs, sipping delicious cocktails served to them by attentive waiters and watching everything, Robin with a graceful smirk and a slight chuckle from time to time and Nami (not so gracefully) almost laughing her head off. Yes, she had a few too many, but as she was too drunk to notice, it didn't bother her.

They had been partying for about five hours now, and all the sitting and drinking took its toll on Nami. She didn't know how Robin managed it (for the fact that she was so drunk she didn't notice that Robin was a bit more … reluctant than her with taking drinks), but as for Nami, her bladder almost ached from all the liquid in there, and in her drunkenness, she didn't look for local toilets but headed towards the Sunny, weaving, tumbling and laughing about her captain's belly growing more and more. And as it is Nami of whom we are speaking, this clearly was a sign of disconnected brains and alcohol taking control, for normally she would just find it disgusting. Now she was wondering about how one could just eat that much and still want more, rather fascinated than nauseated, and then her thoughts instantly drifted away to Usopp's lying skills as she passed him … to the lovely violin music hanging like sweet, mature grapes above the whole scenery … to Chopper growing and shrinking variantly as he changed his forms showing some elaborated dance moves.

Yes, it really was a great party, and Nami hurried up since she didn't want to miss a single part of it. She did her best to keep her pace steady, but didn't really succeed, and so she staggered rather than walked to the ship where she struggled to climb up the rope ladder, but finally managed it. For a few seconds, she was a bit disorientated, but then she remembered and went straight to her room and further on into the bathroom.

Having relieved herself, she pondered about whether she should put on a jacket or not, when her thoughts were distracted by a familiar voice outside.

"Helloooooooooooo!" someone shouted, and usually she would have rolled her eyes on that, but, being drunk, she just started giggling and reeled to the open door. When she narrowed her eyes, she could see her (now no longer swollen from food) captain standing on the railing and looking in all directions while he continued shouting. "Helloooooooo, Naaaaamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

After thinking of this a moment, she realised that he actually called for her, which she thought was strange. "Luffy?" she answered and waved as he looked in her direction while clinging to the doorframe with the other hand so as not to topple over.

"Ah, here you are!" he called delighted and waved back. "I've been looking for you, Nami …"

"Looking for me? Why?" she asked, and even through the haze of alcohol she was puzzled … until he finished his sentence.

"… because the others told me you were going to take more food to the party!"

Nami chuckled. Yes, this was definitely her captain. He must have been pranked by the others. Normally she would have sighed, but now she didn't care how freaked out that was, Luffy looking for her because he expected her to give him food. He expected _everyone_ to give him food. He was like a dog, a small little puppy with big round eyes, and Nami laughed when she imagined Luffy with lop ears and his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

"What are you laughing about? I wanna laugh too!" he exclaimed, and before she could even grasp what he was about to do, his arm shot out and wrapped tightly around her waist, making her squeak, taken by surprise, and pulled her off her feet, forward, towards Luffy. She could do nothing to prevent falling straight into him, knocking him over in doing so. She landed more or less softly on his chest, her brain left somewhere on the way, and when she finally got it, her eyes widened.

"Ah, I'm so sorry …" Luffy began, worriedly expecting a punch on his head or in his face, but he was interrupted by a roar of laughter.

Totally surprised, he looked up to his ever so quick-tempered navigator, finding her curling up and almost laughing herself to tears. She confused him.

"Luffy, that was awesome! Do that again!" she giggled and buried her face in his red vest.

He sat up and held her by the shoulders, while she just couldn't stop laughing. "Are you sick?" he asked and put his hand on her forehead, as if to feel her temperature. It seemed normal, but her behaviour definitely wasn't, even by Luffy's criteria.

"Oh!" she suddenly said and looked at him as if she saw him for the first time. Slowly, she raised her hand and touched his face, traced the little scar under his left eye. "Looks funny," she mumbled, then yawned.

Luffy tilted his head and cocked his eyebrows. What the hell was wrong with her? But she didn't bother and tried to stand up, which seemed to be very difficult for her. So Luffy stood up and helped her by grasping her arms. When she was on her feet, she took his hand without saying a word but giggling all the time, pulling him to her room without realising.

"Nami, the party is the other way!" Luffy remarked, but she just kept on dragging him.

"Right, just have to get my jacket, getting cold now," she said and smiled at him. He decided that this sort of Nami was rather creepy, but a great deal nicer than usual.

"But Namiii!" Luffy tried to resist. "Where's the food? Usopp told me you had food!" he complained.

She gave a slight smirk. "I have none."

Luffy's eyes widened. "But then … Usopp lied!"

Nami just giggled. "Is that really such a surprise for you?"

Luffy pouted. Nami continued her way to her room, with Luffy in tow, for whom she suddenly felt sorry. "Never mind, Luffy," she told him and smiled, "we'll get some food on the way, okay?"

"Oh yes, please!" he shouted in excitement and followed her willingly now. When they were in Nami's room, she let go of his hand, leaving him standing in the middle, and knelt down in front of her cabinet, rummaging around for her jacket. Luffy watched her, impatiently bobbing up and down on his toes, having in view huge amounts of food and returning to the great party.

"Hah, gotcha!" she exclaimed and triumphantly pulled a thin white jacket out of the depths of the cabinet. In one movement, she leapt up and turned around to face Luffy, but she forgot about her dizziness and immediately stumbled backwards to the wall where her legs finally surrendered. "Owww!" she yelled out when she fell to the ground, jacket in hand.

In a second, Luffy was beside her, kneeling down and looking worried. "Nami, what are you doing?" he asked and offered her a hand to stand up again. "Something hurts?"

"No," she said, giggling again about her clumsiness.

"I think you're drunk," Luffy stated and grasped her hands to help her up, but she pulled him over with sudden strength. He cried out in surprise when he fell down on her, captured in her iron grip.

"Not yet, Captain," she whispered and looked at him with a strange expression in her eyes. "First …" And with that, she kissed him.

He jumped in surprise when her mouth covered his, but she didn't let him go and continued to kiss him. He tasted sweet, she thought, and found nothing special about it.

"Nami!" he said with a strangely shivering voice when he found a chance to free himself. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm kissing you, Captain," she chuckled, grabbing his collar and pulling him close.

"But … what about the party?" he asked, his face so close to hers that he could feel her breath on his skin. It was a weird feeling.

"Forget about the party, idiot," she mumbled and dampened his protests by kissing him again. She could feel his resistance fade away when she let her tongue slide into his mouth, exploring every inch of it, without even realising what she was doing. Her hands stroked over his chest, feeling the hard muscles underneath his skin, then pulled the straw-hat back and became entangled in his ruffled black hair. This was just a silly idea, born out of drunkenness and the absence of reasonable thinking, but to her, it was okay in this moment, even great.

Luffy stopped talking when she took control and let him feel things he had never felt before.

* * *

_The next day …_

Nami awoke from her sleep because of a noise. It was a loud, distracting, annoying noise which she could no longer ignore. It made her head ache even more and sounded like something … someone … snoring?

_What the …?_ she thought, opening her eyes. She looked directly into sleeping Luffy's face, who was lying right next to her. _In her bed._ She sat up, confused, only to notice that she was naked. Completely. Butt. Naked.

Her head ached more. Her first thought was, _I must be sleeping still. It can't be other. It's just a dream, some curious nightmare, I'll awake every minute and find out that it was just a dream. _

She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to get to sleep again. But the noise continued, her head ached like hell, she felt awfully nauseous, and every minute that passed, her heart increased its beating until she could hear it echoing in her ears. And with it came the terrible realisation: _this was not a dream._

She put both hands on her mouth, for fear of screaming and bringing the others to the scene – for she knew immediately that this, whatever they had done, should definitely not come out. Not now, not in one year and not in one billion years.

She waited a moment, unsure about what to do now, then she lunged out and punched Luffy on his head. The reaction came immediately as he yelped loudly, causing Nami to quickly put her hand over his mouth. "Shhhh!" she hissed and scowled at him, covering her nakedness with the sheets. He was naked too, she noticed now. _Oh God, what have we done?_

"This is entirely your fault, you stupid idiot!" she snarled with rising anger. She was angry with him, but most of all, angry with herself. But she wouldn't let that come out, so she beat him once more, this time so hard that he fell out of the bed with a loud clonk.

"_Silence!_" Nami hissed, desperately clutching the sheets to cover herself, while Luffy sat on the floor, scratching his head and wondering about why he was naked and in Nami's room.

"No, no, no," she muttered into her hands while holding her head. "This can't be true … please tell me that this is not true …" She felt like she could puke every minute.

"What am I doing here?" Luffy asked, disorientated, but then he remembered. "Ah, I think I know …"

"You know? Well, good for you, idiot!" Nami hissed and sent him her best and deadliest glare. She clenched her fists. She had to ask him if she wanted to know, for she didn't remember one single thing from last night. Had she really been so drunk? Well, apparently. Her head and stomach also told her so.

Luffy stood up, which made Nami look away. She didn't want to see … but it seemed like she had already seen. God, what had they done? She really had to know … but she didn't know if she wanted to know at all. This was unbelievable, impossible …

"Luffy," she began and he looked at her expectantly (she thought of a puppy, but didn't know why). "Luffy, what … what happened last night?"

His jaw dropped at this. "You …" He cleared his throat. "You don't know?"

"No, stupid! I wouldn't ask if I knew!" she seethed angrily. "Now tell me!"

"Well, you started kissing me, and then you undressed me and then you undressed …" He was interrupted by Nami's scream of horror and looked at her, surprised. "What's wrong?"

"This can't be true, oh my God, oh no …" she whined. "Oh nooooooo …"

"Nami-swan, is everything okay?" a voice called from the outside, making Nami cringe.

_They mustn't find out!_ she thought, _Never ever!_

"Yes, Sanji-kun, everything alright, just had a bad dream!" she shouted back. _How I wish it were true. _

"Ohh, I could come in and comfort you …" Sanji said, and she could almost see him noodling around in front of her door.

"NO!" she yelled in panic, "NO, STAY OUT!"

Luffy gave her a puzzled look. He would never figure out his navigator, never.

"Put on some clothes!" she commanded, looking away, and he obeyed. "Oh my … this can't be true," she whispered once more and shook her head, which she immediately regretted for the pain it caused. "Now turn away!" she snapped at him. When he did so, she looked for her own clothes, dispersed in the room. She really couldn't remember how they came there.

"I noticed you missed breakfast, Nami-swan, so I made you a few nibbles …" they heard Sanji call.

"Oh, yummy, foo–", Luffy yelled out but was stopped by Nami immediately slapping her hand over his mouth again. "_Shut up, shut up, shut up!_" she snarled. "If they find out, we're _sunk!_ They mustn't find out, never, so shut the hell up now!"

"Nami, what was that you said?" Sanji asked from the outside, confused. "Let me come in and I'll understand better …"

"YOU STAY OUT OR I'LL KICK YOUR DAMNED ASS!" she screamed madly. Sanji remained still. She hoped he would go away soon. For the moment, she had enough problems in here. First, how could she ever look in the mirror again? She was so ashamed that she had to restrain from looking for the next mouse hole – she would have liked the ground to open up and swallow her. But that wouldn't happen so soon, so she just sat on the floor, thinking, while Luffy sat next to her, picking his nose. She looked at him in disgust. How could she have done something like the thing she apparently had done to someone like him? He was like a little child, ridiculous and foolish and with no manners and …

She stopped abruptly. Like a little child. A little child …

"Oh my God!" she whispered in disbelief. "Luffy, I … I could get pregnant!"

He looked at her, questioning. "Preg-what?" he asked curiously.

She just slapped her hands in front of her face. He didn't even know … She had never imagined her being the one who taught Luffy the facts of life, never, and not in this kind of situation. God, she had taken both his and her virginity, she had raped him, he hadn't even known what they were doing …

"This is your entire fault!" she whined nonetheless, covering her overwhelming guilt with accusations. "Pregnant – I could get a child from you!"

Luffy scratched his head. "But why should I give you a child? Do you want one?"

"No, of course not!" she hissed. "But … the thing we were doing … it is the kind of thing people do when in love, or when they are married … and you can get pregnant from that!" Nami's guts twitched when she imagined a small version of Luffy maturing in her stomach. It was more than she could take, it instantly brought tears in her eyes.

"Hmm … but we're not in love, are we?" Luffy asked bewildered. "Neither are we married, so it sure is no problem."

"No, you moron," she groaned, "You don't understand – we already did it, and it is of no importance whether we're in love or not, I could still get pregnant by it!"

"Hmm."

"That's not gonna help me!" she yelled and stood up. _I'll go and ask Robin when is the time I can get pregnant, she knows about such things, I hope_, she thought but then grimaced, remembering she could not ask Robin without telling her. And she wasn't supposed to be told!

"Now, Luffy," she ordered, slowly calming down again and wiping the tears from her eyes, "we'll do it this way: I'm going out and you'll follow me in five minutes. And don't let yourself be seen by the others, got it?"

"Yes, but Nami …" She cut him off abruptly and went to the door, leaving him on the floor where he was. Opening it, she was relieved that Sanji was no longer there, so she went off to the dining room. When she was halfway between her room and her destination, Sanji appeared there and waved at her.

"Nami-swan, you can eat whenever you like, I made some delicious sandwiches for you …" She nodded at him, hiding her troubled feelings, and forced herself to a smile, but then a voice let her freeze on the spot.

"Nami, I can't find my shoes!"

She closed her eyes, almost losing her self-control. _This stupid idiotic moron, why can't he do what I told him just once?_ she thought and kept smiling at Sanji, who now wore a deep frown.

"Nami-swan, why is he in your room?" he asked, and she could almost see his heart break.

"No, no, not what you're thinking," she hasted to say, still smiling while at the same time wishing to wring Luffy's idiotic neck. "He came to wake me up, and I beat him for that so he lost his shoes, that's all," she assured him.

Sanji came back to normal in an instant, "normal" meaning his eyes getting heart-shaped and him whistling, "You were so right doing this, Nami-swan, I could go and teach him manners if you like …"

"No, it's okay Sanji-kun, I already did that," she said, then turned around to where Luffy was still standing in her doorframe. "Look under the bed, idiot," she snarled, but he still kept on.

"No, they're not under the bed, I already found my pants and my vest and my hat, but I can't see my shoes …"

Nami's eyes widened at that. In her mind, she saw herself running at him and punching him so hard that his head would fly all the way back to Reverse Mountain. She slowly turned back to Sanji, whose jaw had fallen to the ground, all the lovey-dovey behaviour forgotten at what he just heard. Now _this_ would be hard to explain.

"No, it's not like this, really, it was just …" she began, but Sanji had already jumped in Luffy's direction. Luffy didn't see it come, so he was completely unprepared for the hard beats Sanji gave him with his leg.

"Oww, Sanji, what're you doing, stop that …" he cried, and Nami ran to him, trying to get Sanji off, but even the body contact she had to made with him didn't stop the enraged cook.

"You touched her you shitty idiot, I'll make sure you'll never do that again, leave your filthy fingers off her, never touch Nami again!" Sanji cried madly. In a few moments, the others were there, Franky protectively slipping between the two and Zoro shoving Nami away and gripping Sanji around his waist. He did a better job than her, and so they managed to get Sanji away from Luffy, who sat on the ground with lumps and bruises all over his body. Sanji nevertheless cried further on. "You shitty idiot, I'll kick your ass off, I'll …"

"What happened?" Robin asked, curiously examining their faces.

"Nothing, just nothing," Nami answered, sweating. This really was the worst case of all.

Robin turned to Luffy, knowing she would get not one single piece of information out of Nami if she didn't want to tell her. So she asked Luffy, "Captain-san, what did you do to Nami that makes Cook-kun so angry?"

Luffy shrugged. "I dunno, maybe it was about yesterday …" he said confused and carefully touched his lump-littered head.

Robin pricked up her ears when Nami sent Luffy a deadly glare. "Shut up!" she hissed, but Robin turned to Luffy once more.

"So what happened yesterday?" she wanted to know, and Luffy, of course, immediately began telling her.

"Well, I wanted food and Nami was here so I asked her, but she had no food, and I wanted to go back, but then she kissed me and we took our clothes off …"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL THROW YOU INTO THE SEA!" Nami screamed wildly, but she couldn't prevent it any more: it was out now.

Sanji went nuts, and Zoro had much bother to keep him from coming at Luffy again. "I'll kick his head off! I'll take his fuckin' straw-hat and throw it over the railing! I'LL KILL HIM!"

Robin just stood there, a bit baffled, then she took a hand to her mouth and chuckled slightly. Sanji was still in his rage, and Usopp and Chopper stood there, looking confused at each other. Brook muttered something which sounded like "This is so crazy I can't trust my ears … but … one moment … I just forgot I don't have ears …" and Franky patted Luffy's shoulder in a gesture of congratulation. Zoro couldn't really react, for he had to hold Sanji back.

Nami covered her crimson face with her hands. This was beyond any embarrassment. She couldn't even blame Luffy for lying, for everyone of them knew Luffy never lied. And now everyone knew about something that she had hoped would never come into the open. Her shoulders twitched as she began to sob, tears flowing down her cheeks. She shoved everyone out of the way, ran into her room and threw the door shut behind her, then collapsed on the floor, still crying bitterly. She heard them call her name, but didn't open.

"Sanji, please …"

"Shut up, shithead! I don't wanna hear your stupid voice anymore!" Sanji was still fuming with anger, and he only didn't kick Luffy's head off because of Zoro watching him. He knew the shitty knife-swinging moss-head of a swordsman would throw himself between them in less than one second, and it wasn't worth it. But still, why had that idiot captain decided to provoke him even further? There he stood, pleading for food for he didn't have had any breakfast yet. To Sanji, this was more than justified, even though he was a cook and it was his business to make sure no one on this ship had to go hungry, a business he normally carefully accomplished.

"Pleeeeeeaaaaaase!" Luffy pleaded with big black eyes, causing Sanji to wonder whether he had used this expression on Nami with the purpose of bedding her just when the door opened and the wasted-looking object of his thoughts entered the kitchen.

"Nami-swaaan!" he couldn't prevent himself from shouting, but she just stopped him with a wave of her hand, not looking in any of their faces, especially not Luffy's.

"Please just give me something to eat, I'm hungry," she said quietly.

"Of course, of course, I'll cook everything you want for you …"

Luffy pouted, feeling to have got a raw deal. "That's unfair Sanji, why do you give her food and just shout at me?"

Sanji clenched his fist in his captain's direction. "Because," he said, obviously annoyed, "because you touched her and used her to have a good time!"

Luffy looked at him, not understanding a word of his saying, when Nami began to speak again, attracting all the three men's attention. "Never mind, Sanji, it was me who started it all. Now give him something to eat, he's hungry."

She couldn't have said anything any more destructive. In this moment, Sanji's world crashed down and he froze on the spot, shaking so hard that his fingers trembled uncontrollably and the knife he was holding slipped from his grip and fell to the floor where it got stuck, handle upwards.

"Na-Nami …" he stammered and his eyes widened at her who just stood there by the table, arms crossed, and looked to the ground. Then she gave a slight laugh.

"The worst thing about it is that I don't even remember. But perhaps this is better? I don't know." She paused. "Now, will you?" she asked softly in Sanji's direction, but as it didn't seem like he would do anything, she took an apple from the fruit basket on the table and went off, leaving the trio speechless. Well, the duo, for Luffy as usual didn't get anything and asked for food again, and Sanji broke down.

* * *

_Later that evening …_

Nami had returned to her room and stayed there until it was dark. She had tried to work on her latest map, but found that she couldn't concentrate, which was weird since it had never happened before.

According to the noise outside, Sanji didn't want to cook at the moment, a fact for which Nami felt deeply responsible but couldn't help it. She could have done the cooking, but she didn't feel like going outside now. Or ever again.

Before she had gone to the kitchen and caused Sanji's break-down, she had had a talk with Robin and knew now that this wasn't the time she could get pregnant. _Lucky me._ But although she was now relieved of this worry, she was still restless. She felt guilty, for one of the first times in her life. Perhaps she had ruined everything. Sure it wasn't that good that she didn't remember her first time, but that was her own fault. Even worse, she had dragged Luffy into all this, destroyed his innocence and taken his virginity, when he didn't even know what this meant – or should have meant.

She would never forgive herself.

A sigh escaped her mouth when someone gently knocked on her door. Perhaps it was Chopper who was worried about her health, or Robin, or Franky … she didn't want to see anybody at this moment.

"Go away," she said, burying her head in her palms, arms propped at the table.

"It's me," a familiar voice said and she froze. "May I come in?"

She said nothing and the person outside hesitated, unsure what to do. Then she sighed and just said, "Okay."

Luffy opened the door and entered her room. She could tell from his face that he was uneasy, something you rarely saw about Luffy. "Nami …" he began, looking at his feet, "umm, I … I'm sorry for what happened yesterday …"

Nami cut him off by shaking her head. "No, Luffy. You're not the one to blame. I am."

Luffy looked questioningly at her. "Why you? You were drunk, you didn't know what you were doing …"

"That's not an excuse!" she said sharply and clenched her fists. "I never meant to … I mean … I didn't want to do you any harm, but I did, and now I can't change it back …" Tears came into her eyes as she said that, and she wiped them away, frowning.

"But you didn't do me any harm!" Luffy said confused. "If anything, those feelings were … really great." He looked her straight in the eyes. "Robin told me about it and now I think I know what you mean. People do it when they're in love, normally, but that's not obligatory."

"You also talked to Robin?" Nami smiled a little. "She just knows everything, doesn't she?"

Luffy nodded with a grin, happy to see Nami smile again. "And I thought," he continued in his speech, "I thought that I don't want to see you sad. Last night you weren't sad. It was great to me, and it was great to you …"

"How do you know it was great to me?" Nami interrupted with a frown.

"That's because you said it," he grinned. "And you screamed all the time, this was a bit weird, but Robin said it was a sign that you were pleased."

Nami went crimson, but Luffy didn't notice. "And as you said the worst thing was that you don't remember, I thought …" He paused and stepped in her direction. "I thought we should do it again and this time you will remember."

Nami flinched. She would have never expected something like this, surely he was crazy, what an idea … "That won't go," she stammered, her face red as a tomato. "I still could get pregnant, and you don't know what you're saying …"

He pulled something out of his pocket, something like … _A condom!_ Nami thought, alerted. _Where the hell does he have that from?_

He showed it to her. "Robin gave me this, she said it would make you not pregnant …"

Nami had to fight down a hysterical laughing fit, _Robin you old witch …_

Luffy waited for her to react, but as she just stared at him, he took a step towards her, then another, and another, until he stood right in front of her. "Nami, I don't want to see you so sad, and I want you to feel the same as I felt yesterday. It feels great, really. I hope … I hope we can make it as good as last night, so that you will remember this time."

She still didn't move, and so he decided that he had to do something. Last time she had done everything, kissed him, undressed them both and stuff, but now he had to grasp the nettle. Slowly, he bent down and placed a hesitant kiss on her lips.

_Let's see if I can manage …_

_

* * *

_

**Author's note: **This was my first fanfic, so I hope you enjoyed. English isn't my mother tongue, so if I made any mistakes or used words inappropriately, please feel free to review.

I really liked writing drunk and angry Nami and Luffy not getting anything :-) And yes, Robin really knows everything, I hope you enjoyed her being some kind of mother/bawd here ;-)_  
_


	2. Zoro and Sanji changed bodies?

**Disclaimer****: **I do not own One Piece. Unfortunately. Oh, but I own Mystery Man xD

**Author's note:** Heya all … at first I have to thank you for the very nice reviews some of you gave me, I was really glad – imagine me noodling around in front of my computer screen Sanji-style ;-)

And I wanted to say that I'm not like those saying "who cares for OOC-ness, it's just fan fiction!". I can understand their point, but I aim to get them like they are in the anime (or manga), and if you think I missed something or overdrew someone, please, PLEASE tell me and I'll correct it on the spot, okay?

And, I'm on my way to perfection, hehe, so if you find any mistakes … you know where the buttons are, right? By the way, behind the "What if" (the story name) and in front of every chapter name should be three dots to connect ... it doesn't want to do this, but you can see it in the headlines (like below).

Oh yeah, and if you have any ideas about what to do with Chopper and Franky, please tell me … I got something evil for Robin, something … um … nice? … for Usopp and something funny for Brook, but I don't know what to do with Franky and Chopper.

Ahh, just to mention … Later, after the "next day" line, I'll refer to Zoro in Sanji's body as "Sanji" and to Sanji in Zoro's body as "Zoro", because that's the way they are seen by the others and it's more fun ;-)

* * *

**Chapter 2: What if Zoro and Sanji changed bodies?**

It was a bright, sunny day on the Grand Line. A warm breeze blew over the ship with the lion's head surrounded by the petals of a sunflower – or were they sunbeams? Regardless, the sun touched it all and covered it up in a golden shine on this beautiful day on the Grand L–

"Hey you shitty marimo, if you say that again I'll kick your stupid ass!"

Umm, yes, it was a beautiful day on the Grand –

"Come and try, stupid ero-cook!"

*coughing slightly* IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY ON THE –

"You want me to try? Come on, I'll teach you manners, you silly knife-swinging idiot!"

WILL YOU GUYS JUST LET ME FINISH SPEAKING?

"You couldn't if you tried, dart-brow!"

*sigh* Guess that's a No.

"I'll kick your ass!"

Anyways, of course this was only another little scramble between our favourite cook and our favourite swordsman of our favourite pirate crew. Just one carelessly uttered word by Zoro, and Sanji was hopping mad. Today, it all had begun with Nami stumbling over Zoro's outstretched legs. Of course Zoro wouldn't ever do that on purpose, for he knew it would just earn him another lump or two – or some more money on his ever-increasing debt. He was only taking a nap, leaned at the railing, and that was how it happened. Nami, needless to say, was raging and punched him in the head for making her fall, no matter whether he had slept or not, and Zoro had said something rude to her. He didn't even know what anymore, but Sanji immediately came at him for insulting his lovely Nami-swan.

Now the two of them were opposing each other, face to face, blade against black boot, like always, and in the second they heard a low growl they both received a hard blow to their heads.

"NOW STOP THAT WILL YOU?", Nami bawled at them, and Sanji instantly went to 'love'-mode. "Of course, Nami-swan, whatever you like, I was just defending your honour!", he sang with his eyes heart-shaped and his hands clasped in front of his chest. Zoro growled and rubbed his head, rolling his eyes. "This is not over yet, shithead!", he heard the cook hiss at him and clenched his teeth in his direction, but it all was immediately forgotten when they heard a loud call from the crow's nest/observation room.

"LAND HO!", Usopp called, and everyone looked up from what they had been doing. Luffy and Chopper dropped their fishing rods, jumping up and down in gleeful anticipation, Robin lowered her archaeology book, Brook laid down his precious violin and Franky stuck his head out of the hull's door where he had worked on some new invention. They joined Nami who stood at the railing, watching the small point in the distance growing until it could be recognised as an island.

"It seems to be a spring island", Nami said, checking the temperature and the weather. Robin agreed with her, and the others were glad because they didn't have to put on voluminous clothes. Especially Sanji was glad "his" ladies and the girls on the island wouldn't be covering up their beautiful bodies with ugly clothes, so their unbelievable beauty could flow unrestrictedly. He must have said that out loud, for the next thing he remembered was that Zoro uttered something like "Stupid love-cook, don't you know they'll avoid you like the plague" under his breath. Surely he couldn't leave it standing like this, and so they ended up blade to foot once more.

"Shut up, you idiots!" This time it was enough that Nami loomed over them like an avenging angel, and they abandoned their little quarrel, growling and glaring menacingly at each other.

"You know, Zoro, you'll go with me", Nami stated while strolling back to the railing, ignoring Zoro's shout of rage. Only when he made his way past her and built himself up in front of her did she look at him.

"What for?", he asked angrily. "Why the hell should I go with you?"

Nami just shrugged. "Just remember how much you owe me by now. Want me to say it out loud?" When he let out an angry snort, she just laughed, which enraged him even more.

"Nami-swaaan, I could go with you, leave out the stupid marimo …", Sanji fluted, but Nami cut him off. "No, I want Zoro with me, he can carry my shopping bags."

Zoro fumed with anger. This silly stupid sea-witch, why did she always have to do this to him? This was just embarrassing! "Take dart-brow over there, I'm sure he would like to carry your bags with pleasure", Zoro grumbled. "I have some training to do."

"You mean napping", Nami corrected and sent him a mischievous smile. "No, I think I'll take you, simply because you're a bit stronger. I have a lot of things to get."

The two-voiced cry rang out over the sea. "Stronger?", yelled Sanji, shadows covering his perplexed face. "A bit stronger?", shouted Zoro, deeply pissed. Both of them felt incredibly offended, yet again staring at each other and clenching their fists.

"I'll show you who's stronger!", they yelled in unison as they came at each other furiously. This time, they managed to get their obligatory lumps on the heads by Nami, who sent them to different parts of the ship (Zoro even achieved to get lost on his way to the upper deck).

Soon after, they reached the island. It looked nice and normal, with a small town around a harbour and a wood in the distance. They all planned what they wanted to do over there, while Brook agreed to stay on the ship as long as someone brought him along some new tea supplies. Robin and Chopper wanted to look for new books, Luffy (of course) wanted to eat something, Usopp needed some things for completing his new sort of projectiles and Franky accompanied him to look for inspiration.

Zoro huffed angrily when he thought about what he had to expect for his time on the island. The shore at both sides of the harbour was exactly what he needed to practice, and he really needed to practice. He wasn't as strong as he wanted to be, yet this stupid red-haired woman intended to drag him along _to carry her stupid shopping bags!_ He did everything but looking forward to that.

Sanji, on the opposite side of the ship, felt very hurt. Zoro and stronger than him? Nonsense! He would never hold his pace when it came to kicks and stuff in fighting. Never! Just because that moss-head used his little knives to fight didn't mean he was stronger, and he was dying to prove that to his beloved Nami-swan. For now, he would have to purchase new food supplies, for that idiotic captain of theirs had thought it a good idea to plunder the fridge once again last night. Sanji clenched his fists when he thought about the moron accompanying Nami, but he could do nothing to change that. He would hurry to find some food of good quality, bring it to the ship, and then look for Nami and offer her his help once again. The stupid swordsman didn't know how to carry her bags carefully enough so that Nami's precious purchases would crumple and fall around in utter confusion. He would prevent that and Nami would thank him with sparkling eyes … Sanji couldn't stop his eyes turning into pink hearts.

When they reached the harbour, they moored the Sunny and went off in all different directions. Zoro grumpily followed the navigator, mumbling all kinds of insults Nami luckily didn't hear, while Sanji went in the opposite direction to where he expected the marketplace, equally grumpy, but for reasons other than the swordsman's.

* * *

_Two hours later …_

"Don't you have enough? Where do you have all the money from?", Zoro asked, getting more pissed with every minute he had to follow Nami from one shop to the next.

"That's none of your business", she said arrogantly. "Just hurry up, there are more shops in the other street."

Zoro growled. He already carried so many bags he almost couldn't see Nami anymore. He had to orientate himself at her flame-coloured hair in front of him, and so he didn't see someone stepping in his way. He ran into him, completely surprised, and had to struggle while trying to keep his balance. Some of the boxes fell off the pile stacked upon his arms. _Fuck!_, he cursed inwardly and turned to the person daring to get in his way. "Hey, stupid! Now help me to pick up those things!", he snarled. Nami came out of the shop she just had gone in with a frown and saw her bags and boxes lying on the dusty ground. "You idiot! Can't you even carry something without damaging it?", she yelled at Zoro.

The person next to Zoro chuckled. "Now look at that. Roronoa Zoro, the great pirate, as a devoted, bag-carrying slave!"

When the swordsman looked at him, bloodlust in his eyes, he saw a middle-aged, black-haired guy, almost the same height as him, with piercing blue eyes and a huge smirk on his face.

Nami approached them and looked questioningly. "Friend of yours?", she asked Zoro, arms akimbo, and then pointed to her things scattered on the ground. "These don't get picked up by themselves, you know?"

Zoro didn't listen. He stared at the newcomer, all covered up in a red cloak, who just grinned mischievously at him. "Who are you?", he said in a low, dangerous voice. The guy snickered. "You don't know who I am? You'll know soon."

"Naaamiii-swaaan!", a voice came out of nowhere. It had taken Sanji only a few minutes to find the object of his affection in the rather small town. She stood in front of two guys, and of course one of them could easily be identified as the moss-head. The other one he didn't know, but it looked like Zoro had resentment towards him. Sanji speeded up to them when the thought occurred to him that this mysterious-looking stranger could have injured or insulted or harassed his precious Nami-swan. But on the other hand, the moss-head wasn't the one fighting for a lady's honour, and Nami looked perfectly fine …

He arrived at where the three of them were standing, a strange hostility saturating the air. "Nami-swan, what's up? Who's this guy?", he asked curiously. "Has he done something to you?"

The stranger snickered again. It sounded dry and nasty, and Sanji immediately disliked him on the spot. "Ha, you must be Blackleg Sanji", he said and scrutinized him, which made Sanji feel like some kind of kettle or something.

"Yes I am, and who are you?", he asked coldly, just to earn another snicker. "Who am I, then?", the man mused. "If you don't know me, you're not supposed to. It's as simple as that."

"What do you mean with that?", Nami asked, now slightly annoyed by that talking-in-riddles guy too. He looked at her with eyes that sent a shiver down her spine, for reasons she couldn't really put her finger on.

"You'll see", the man said low-voiced and let his cloak rush around him. At the same time, light-blue sparkles were sent in the swordsman's and the navigator's directions. Before Nami could even back off or move in any other way, Sanji threw himself in the way. The sparkles met him right in his chest, causing him to gasp for air.

Even Zoro was caught off guard. He drew his swords, but it was too late. The sparks went through him, not like electricity, but like … he couldn't describe it.

Nami stared in shock as both her nakama's bodies twitched and jerked randomly. To her, it seemed like they had been struck by lightning, it was exactly the behaviour she knew from the people who made the acquaintance of her clima tact.

"What did you do?", she yelled furiously at the guy. "Sanji! Zoro!"

The man just stood there, watching the spectacle with a frown. "Well that … that shouldn't have happened, but … well it's okay", he sighed to himself, completely ignoring the redhead.

"Hey! I'm talking to you and don't you dare attacking us!", she cried frantically and pulled the clima tact out of her top. With a swift move of her wrist, it snapped into place. But when she pointed it at the man, she only saw a red cloak disappearing around the next corner. She fought with herself, but finally thought it a better idea to stay here and look after Sanji and Zoro who now both lay on the floor without any movement instead of following the mysterious man who could perhaps attack her if she did.

She knelt down beside them. They were both unconscious, but she could hear them breathe hard. "Sanji! Zoro!", she called desperately and shook their lifeless bodies, but it didn't help.

"Nami-san, what …", she heard a feminine voice behind her she easily recognised as Robin's. "Robin!", she called and turned around. "Chopper! They … They were attacked and are unconscious …", she hastily explained while the little doctor came running in his four-legged form, turning into the small reindeer as he arrived, Robin upon his heels.

Chopper quickly examined their bodies, while Nami went on to explain. "There was this guy … I don't know where he came from, or what he wanted … he was really creepy, and then he sent out these sparks, and they hit them mid-chest, and they went like struck by lightning and collapsed …"

"Where is this guy now?", Robin asked. Nami couldn't tell how she managed to stay that calm. "I don't know", she answered, "I wanted to attack him but he was already off …"

"We have to get them to the ship!", Chopper interrupted, pointing to all the people surrounding them and looking curiously at the two men laying motionlessly on the ground. "Their bodies are okay", he then stated and changed into his more human form, ignoring the gasps of the people around them. He picked Zoro up and threw him over his shoulder. "Can you take care of Sanji?", he asked the two women and started walking into the direction of the harbour.

Nami looked helplessly at Robin, but her friend just grew some hands out of the ground, transporting Sanji on their way by pushing him further on to the next row of hands. Some of the people started to scream and run away, but it didn't bother the two women whose only concern was the health of their crewmates.

On the ship, they took them to the infirmary room where Chopper used his medical tools to get more precise information, while Nami and Robin informed Brook about the whole thing. He let out an astonished "Yoho!" and casted a glance at the two sick men laying motionless in their beds, eyes closed and relaxed expressions on their faces.

Little by little, the others came back from their town explorations, shocked about what they had to hear back on the ship. Luffy immediately clenched his fists and yelled: "What? Where's that mystery man, I'll go kick his ass!", and Robin had to grow over one hundred hands to keep him away from realising his plan. Usopp opened his eyes wide and began to shudder violently, scared by the idea of someone randomly throwing around some lightning and injuring two of the strongest crew members, and Franky glanced incredulously at Nami before running off to the infirmary.

Nami didn't even forget to tell that one of the sparks had practically targeted at her, when Sanji had thrown himself in between to protect her. She felt very uncomfortable at that, on the one hand being glad it wasn't her now laying in one of the two beds and on the other feeling terribly guilty. What if they died? But, as usual, she didn't let those feelings get to the outside. They had to make sure now they wouldn't die, full stop. Perhaps it was important that she and Zoro should be the victims of the black-haired guy, and not Sanji. What had he said? _That shouldn't have happened, but … well it's okay._ But then, what should have happened? Why had he wanted Nami to be affected and not Sanji? He had recognised him, that was for sure, he had mentioned it shortly before he had attacked them.

Nami thought about that together with the others in the aquarium while Chopper cared for the two victims, but they came to no conclusion. The only thing that was crystal clear was that they had to find that guy.

* * *

_The next day …_

The whole crew was startled out of their sleep when two loud cries rang out of the infirmary. Chopper, who had been in there the whole night, fell off the stool he had sat on and crashed right into the massive writing desk.

Everybody came running to the sickbay, not even caring to get dressed, and so they stood in the room, completely in their nightdresses, with their hearts beating quickly from the shock.

And then … the next shock.

"What's this?", cried Zoro, fully awake, and looked terrified at his hands. Sanji, equally wide awake, looked in different directions while violently trying to keep his blonde hair out of his eyes, seeming quite bewildered.

"What is it then?", Chopper asked timidly while he sat upright, glancing anxiously at his two patients who now glared at each other with wide eyes.

An awkward silence spread out, covering the whole room. The other crew members stood there, silently watching them, until …

"WHY ARE YOU ME?", screamed Zoro and Sanji in unison and pointed at each other. The others gasped in shock. Had the two lost their minds?

Nami cleared her throat. "Did you just smash in your brains one time too much?", she asked, looking at them as incredulously as the others did. Even Luffy kept his mouth shut for once.

"What're you doing in my body, moron?", Zoro shouted angrily at Sanji, who just shouted back, equally upset: "Stupid love-cook, I could ask you the same!"

The crew's jaws dropped on the floor, one could almost hear the loud thud they made.

"What's this about?", Luffy asked, not getting anything. "Sanji, you are the cook and not Zoro …"

Both of them sent him such a furious glance that he automatically stepped back into Franky.

"Yes, he's the cook!", Sanji growled, pointing at Zoro.

No one said a word in the following silence. Then Robin said calmly: "So may I assume that you changed your bodies?"

"Looks that way!", they both yelled, clenching their fists at nobody in particular.

"Oh, God", Nami sighed and put a hand up to cover her eyes. Robin forgot her usual slight chuckle and looked at them thoughtfully. Usopp gulped and was in for a surprise, just staring in shock, while Franky put up his sunglasses and looked beneath it with wide eyes. Chopper rushed around in the small room, screaming about how bad and severe their situation was and that someone should call a doctor, before he realised that he himself was the doctor. Brook scratched his skull with a bony finger, saying "Yohohohohoho, tricky matter, how should we believe our eyes now …? But I guess that's none of my business, I don't have eyes anyway …"

Just Luffy started grinning. "Shishishi, that's really funny!"

"NO IT'S NOT!" Sanji and Zoro jumped out of their beds, fuming with anger.

"Shishi, so you're Zoro and you're Sanji?", he asked reassuringly and pointed at Sanji and then at Zoro.

"Yes, you idiot!", Zoro yelled and clenched one fist in his captain's direction. That means, it was Sanji, but in Zoro's body, so for the others, he still seemed like Zoro.

"You morons, why couldn't you just evade those spark-thingies?", Nami snarled and shook her head, completely forgetting about Sanji having thrown himself in her way.

"As if you could have managed!", Sanji hissed back, and everyone held their breaths – they had never heard Sanji talking so rudely to Nami. Until they remembered that this was Zoro, and so it was normal.

"Watch your language, stupid moss-head!", Zoro snarled at Sanji. Then he opened his mouth to continue, but he just realised what he had said – he had insulted himself, as a matter of fact. And Usopp immediately started giggling: "You're the moss-head now Sanji, you have to think about new insults! Why don't you call him dart-brow like he called you?"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING DART-BROW?", Zoro yelled madly and wanted to come at Usopp who disappeared through the door in less than one second. Huffing, he let him go and looked at his feet. "Stupid shoes … where are my clothes?"

"You won't put my body in one of your sissy outfits!", Sanji shouted and seized him by the collar.

"SISSY WHAT?", he shouted back and did the same, with the two now standing in the middle of the room and grabbing each other's collar furiously. Then Sanji grabbed to the right side of his hip, but there was nothing, and Zoro tried to lift his leg to smash it on Sanji's head, but it didn't work.

"Where are my swords? Chopper?", Sanji yelled, and Zoro, at the same time: "Your fucking legs are way too immobile for my purposes, shitty marimo!" Chopper winced, quickly running off and coming back with Zoro's three swords, but Sanji couldn't let that stand and retorted: "My body isn't used to your stupid leg crap!"

"LEG WHAT?", Zoro screamed in a high pitch and wanted to punch Sanji in the face but hesitated. Nami's vein on her forehead showed already and she thought about intervening and stopping the two idiots from having a real go at each other, but the problem was solved before.

Zoro stood there, fist mid-air, and didn't know what to do. Of course he didn't want to punch himself, so he lowered his hand again and just clenched his fists until the knuckles got white, but then a wonderful idea popped in his mind. "If you say that again I'll put on a ballerina dress and run through the city, screaming 'I'm Roronoa Zoro'!"

Sanji's eyes got wide. "No! You won't! You wouldn't dare!"

Zoro smirked evilly. "Wanna risk that? I wouldn't bet on it, if I were you!"

"Argh!", Sanji exclaimed and let go of Zoro's collar he had been grasping the whole time. Zoro grinned and let his shoulders make circles. "Thanks. And now that we made that clear, who wants to eat something? I'll prepare a delicious meal …"

Hearing this out of Zoro's mouth made the crew go wide-eyed, but the first to recover was, of course, Luffy. "Yeah, I'm hungry! Sanji, could you make scrambled eggs with lots of bacon? Pleeeeaaaase!", he pleaded, looking at Sanji who just scowled at him. "I'm not the stupid cook! Look at the other …" _Idiot_, he had wanted to say, but referring to himself (or at least, his body) as an idiot wouldn't be such a good idea. _Damn, this whole thing's getting on my nerves!_, he thought, huffing.

"You're not Sanji?" Luffy scratched his head until Nami was tired of his stupidness and hit him on it. "Owww, Nami! What did you do that for?", he pouted and rubbed the large lump on his head.

"Because you're as stupid as always", she simply stated. "Where were you when we made things clear? They changed bodies, so Zoro is Sanji and Sanji is Zoro!"

"Really?", Luffy asked, staring in awe with sparkling eyes. "Wow, that's really …"

"Say _funny_ again and I'll kick your head off!", Zoro interrupted and glared at him angrily, while everybody else was wondering about Luffy's endless density.

"Luffy, enough now. Let's give them privacy so they can familiarise with this. I'm going to cook something meanwhile …", Nami said and made a step towards the door, Luffy's ear between her fingers and the poor boy stumbling behind her, but was held back by Zoro's voice. "No my dearest Nami-swaaan, I'll go right now, I'll make you everything you like …", he warbled in a high pitch, and Nami froze on the spot. So did the others in the room.

"Ahm, Zoro … Sanji?", she said, stunned about the swordsman chirping those words to her, for no one had ever heard this kind of voice with the ever so well-composed and rather grumpy man.

Sanji went crimson and immediately seized Zoro by the collar again. "Stop talking so stupid when you're in my body, shitty love-cook!", he hissed at him and tried to shook the other but failed. "Damn, you really are weak", he interrupted himself and didn't quite know whether to laugh or to cry about this fact: he knew now that he was the stronger one, but that was of no use for him since he was in the weaker body.

"I'M NOT!", Zoro yelled and tried to lift his leg once more, but couldn't bring it any higher than his own hip. "See? Your legs suck, stupid marimo!"

"Stop insulting my legs, I bet your soft, smooth hands couldn't hold a katana for three seconds without shaking!", Sanji yelled back and grasped in Chopper's direction for his swords. Chopper gave him all three and Sanji took them.

Everyone looked baffled at the scene occurring in front of them, Luffy laughing all the time, especially when Sanji's arm began to shake and he had to let go of the three katanas which fell to the floor, making clattering sounds when they touched the ground.

"HOLY CRAP! IT'S LIKE I SAID, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGHT LIKE THIS?", Sanji screamed madly and buried his face in his hands. Then he looked up, a deadly glare in his eyes. "We'll find this guy. We find him and then we beat the fucking hell out of him!", he said, dangerously calm. Zoro just nodded in agreement, his hands fiddling around with the fabric of his trousers until he noticed that there were no pockets.

"But first let's have breakfast, Sanji pleeeaaase!", Luffy exclaimed and looked at Sanji. Nami rolled her eyes and sighed.

* * *

The sight of Zoro cooking was simply amazing, even when he shattered different plates, every time yelling insults at his calloused hands. And every time Sanji answered with insults at his weak and way-too-smooth hands. For the others, it was half-funny and half-nerving, but the funny side dominated after they found out how to make them even more angry: Usopp tossed in random words, like "Clothes!" or "Washing!", and they reacted immediately.

"I hate your damned clothes", Sanji growled, tugging at the perfect-fit tailor-made suit he was wearing. "I can't even move!"

"So what am I supposed to say? I'm trapped in your worn-off and sweat-soaked rags!", Zoro retorted immediately.

"Hair!", Usopp called, and Zoro went on in his rant. "And this layer of moss covering your head – I think I should buy some weed killer to spread around …"

"The hell!", Sanji yelled and clenched his fists. Franky had to hold him on his seat so that he couldn't come at Zoro, for they had found out that if they would let them crash together, their breakfast wouldn't be ready in ten hours.

"So then, if you do that I think it's okay to cut off your angel locks, isn't it?", Sanji continued with a devilish smirk. "I can't even look straight with those stupid bangs …"

"DON'T YOU DARE!" That was the moment Zoro went mad, and it took all Franky's, Robin's and Chopper's (in "human" form) strengths to keep them from fighting. Usopp and Luffy fell off their chairs with laughing, and Nami folded her arms in front of her chest, rolling her eyes.

"Nami-swaaan, Robin-chwaaan!", Zoro whistled at their sight, forgetting about the fight in less than one second. "What do you want for breakfast?" And with that he noodled over to where they sat, swooning over them with heart-shaped eyes.

Nami and even Robin stared in awe. This sight was really unbelievable. "Robin, PLEASE take a photograph … would be great to blackmail him about THAT later!", Nami said, wide-eyed. Robin chuckled with her hand in front of her mouth.

"STOP THAT STUPID ERO-COOK!", Sanji yelled, and Nami rolled her eyes once more.

* * *

_Later that day …_

"Where are they?", Usopp asked, nervously looking in all different directions.

"Dunno", Chopper answered, equally nervous and hiding the wrong way behind a barrel.

"YOU WON'T SMOKE IN MY PRECIOUS BODY OR I'LL HAVE YOUR FUCKIN' DART BROW SHAVED OFF!", they heard someone yell and winced. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!", they screamed in horror and ran off.

"JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE: I'M TRAPPED HERE AND WHO CARES IF I TRY TO MAKE MYSELF COMFORTABLE?"

"I CARE! STUPID FREAK!"

Nami clenched her fist, ready to intervene, and this time Robin just sighed, obviously annoyed. _We really have to find that guy …_, she thought and snapped her book shut. Nami looked at her at this sudden movement and found her going off to the aquarium.

("JUST ONE CIGARETTE! IT WON'T HURT YOUR OH-SO-PRECIOUS BODY! YOU SISSY!")

A hand grew out of the floor in front of her and gave her a sign to follow. Then it pointed at Luffy, who rolled on the floor. He had only stopped laughing when he ate, and even then … Nami shuddered when she thought about how Luffy had spit out one whole mouthful of scrambled eggs all over the table when Zoro and Sanji had decided to fight in the dining room.

("WHO'RE YOU CALLING A SISSY? YOUR BODY IS A SISSY! CAN'T HOLD A SWORD FOR THREE SECONDS AND TREMBLES WITH FUCKIN' NICOTINE ADDICTION! THAT'S GOING ON MY FREAKIN' NERVES!")

She walked over to Luffy and grabbed him on his vest, for she knew his arm would just stretch. The two victims of the body switch were in a state where they could only yell at each other and not talk normally any more. Nami saw Franky, Usopp and Chopper coming out of the hull where they had worked on a new project slash hidden from the two squabblers and the noise they made. They also went to the aquarium.

Robin and Brook were already there, Brook sipping at the newly bought sort of tea in his cup. "I couldn't bear the noise anymore", he said explaining when Usopp asked him about why he didn't come out. "Yohohohohoho, it almost tore my heart apart … but, by the way, I don't …"

"Yeah, we all know you don't have a heart, stupid", Franky completed his sentence, frowning at him. "And if you're finished, lil clown, let's talk about what we should do now. This rumbling and screaming on the deck is making me crazy!"

"Yohohohohoho", Brook said. "Okay, no more skull jokes for now …"

"We have to find that stupid guy", Nami said and tore her hair. "I can't stand this anymore, I can't even sleep and enjoy the sun …"

"Shishishi, I think it's funny … Owww, Nami, what was that for?"

"If I am right then we don't have to, Nami-san", Robin said calmly, and everybody looked at her.

"What?", Nami asked. "You have an idea, Robin? Tell us, please …"

Robin nodded. Normally, she would have smiled now, but as she was slightly irritated by the two fighters, she left that out. "Nami-san told us that the man originally wanted to cast the spell on her and not on cook-san. What does this tell us?"

Silence. Then Usopp continued her thoughts. "That means that he wanted Nami and Zoro to switch bodies!"

Nami made a disgusted face when she imagined being in Zoro's body – and him being in hers. _Thanks, Sanji_, she thought silently. _I really owe you for that …_

"Exactly, Usopp-san", Robin said. "And why should he do something like that?"

"Umm …", Usopp began but was cut off by Luffy. "Because he wanted a lot of fun, shishishi! … Oww, Nami! Why did you do that?"

"Because he could defeat Zoro more easily if he was in my body", Nami said, ignoring Luffy who pouted at her with a big lump on his head. It was hard for her to admit it, but her body was weak, without any special abilities, and her bounty was the second-lowest of the crew. The man must have known that; he had known Zoro and Sanji, too.

"Exactly so", Robin said, looking at the navigator. "What did you say he said before he disappeared?"

"_That shouldn't have happened, but … well it's okay._ Those were precisely his words."

Robin nodded. "So he meant to change your and swordsman-san's body to defeat our second best fighter. But his plans didn't work out because of cook-san throwing himself in front of you, and so he had to think about that and disappeared."

"But he also said _well it's okay_", Chopper threw in.

"You mean …", Nami said slowly, "that he'll come back to finish his plans?"

Robin nodded again.

* * *

_Evening_

The whole male part of the crew had decided to leave the two fighters on deck for the night in unison. Nobody was keen on having them fighting in their bedroom, and perhaps the cool breeze would calm them a bit. They made that very clear, which means shouting and yelling all around the ship, but finally they gave in.

How peaceful they sat on two opposite sides of the mast, sleeping the deserved sleep of the exhausted … How silent it was on the ship, despite the sun didn't even go down …

Silent until …

Two silent feet crossed the wooden ground of the Sunny, almost inaudible. Zoro would have heard them, but, in Sanji's body he wasn't yet used to, he didn't. And Sanji didn't have Zoro's awareness in his sleep.

A tall figure stood in front of them, trying hard to not cast a shadow over them – that could have woken them. He was glad that they couldn't even hear him coming, but he knew how bewildered they were in the wrong bodies. He knew it from his previous victims. And now he would end the life of Roronoa Zoro, the ex-pirate hunter, and Blackleg Sanji. He smiled when he thought about how great the things had finally come out for him. If it had worked like he had intended it, then he would only have killed the redhead, earning only 16,000 beli, but like this … _I'll kill two birds with one stone_, he mused, delighted at the thought. There was no more time to waste now, they could change back every minute …

Silently, he pulled out a knife. Killing Roronoa Zoro with a knife seemed even more amusing to him. And then he would only have to get rid of the rest of the crew, that would be easy, the stupid rubber captain of theirs was surely easy to trick …

He lunged out with the knife-holding hand. Just when he wanted to stab the green-haired man, he found that he couldn't move. Someone took hold of him, but he couldn't see anyone …

"What do you intend with this little toy?", a female voice asked to his right. He winced and turned around only to see the ship's navigator sitting casually on a barrel in front of the cabins. The black haired woman stood beside her, her hands crossed in front of her chest. She glared at him with a smile that reminded him of the devil.

"I told you I'd kick his ass", another voice rang out. "Shishishi! Now you'll pay for it, even if it was funny …"

"LUFFY!", Nami yelled angrily at him.

"Yeah, right. It was funny but it's enough now. Change them back", the captain, Straw-hat Luffy, demanded.

Meanwhile, Sanji and Zoro had woken up. "What's all that noise …", Sanji yawned and then they realised who it was that stood looming over them, with a knife in his hand but restrained by many hands growing out of his own body. "WHAT THE HELL!", they both yelled in unison, jumping to their feet. "CHANGE US BACK YOU IDIOT OR WE'LL BEHEAD YOU!"

"I … I can't", he just said and smirked, even despite the fact that he lost. He saw the other crew members now. The reindeer in his huge form stood on his left, next to the sharpshooter aiming directly at him. The skeleton had drawn his sword and the blue-haired cyborg had flipped his arm open, swinging his hand out and aiming at him as well.

"YOU CAN'T?", Sanji and Zoro yelled and seized him by the collar violently.

"No, I … I can't."

The grin on his face made them furious, and they threw him over the ship's railing as far as they could.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT YOU MORONS?", Nami exploded and punched them on the heads. "HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO GET NORMAL NOW?"

Zoro and Sanji said nothing.

"He said he couldn't change them back", Robin said calmly and stepped at her side.

"What if that was a lie?", Nami yelled. "I can't stand another day like this, I just can't!"

"Shishishi, more fun!", Luffy giggled, but three hands dashed at his head and he went down.

"I don't know, perhaps he told the truth?", Chopper interjected but jerked back under Nami's death glare.

"Let's find him again, I don't think he'll come back. Why did he even … aaargh!", Sanji suddenly screamed and fell to the ground. The same with Zoro. They went down and their eyes closed.

The crew looked at them, shocked. "Chopper!", Luffy called, and the reindeer came running at them. But before he even reached the two, their eyes opened up again all at once, and they jumped to their feet.

"What …"

The two looked at Chopper who had stopped in front of them, mouths wide open, and then, slowly, they looked at each other.

"What's going on?", Usopp asked curiously.

Sanji cleared his throat, and Zoro crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Seems like this changing thing was only temporary", Sanji said calmly. Everybody stared at them, thinking the same … "You're normal now?", Nami asked hopefully.

"HELL YEAH!", Sanji exclaimed, shooting one fist in the air, and Zoro smirked.

The whole crew broke into applause, completely erupting with joy. "Let's throw a party!", Luffy called, but Sanji put him off. "No, tomorrow, okay? I'm completely exhausted."

Luffy's joy died down in one second and he pouted. "Captain-san, let us leave them alone. They must be tired after such a day as this", Robin said and Nami waved at Luffy. "Come on, Luffy …"

Luffy still pouted, but then shrugged and went off with the others, leaving Sanji and Zoro behind.

Sanji sighed and put a hand in his pocket, pulling out a packet of his beloved cigarettes. Zoro rolled his eyes at this, but remained silent.

One smoking and the other with his arms crossed, they stood at the railing, looking out to the sea.

"After all …", Sanji said calmly without looking at his crewmate, "I have to admit that you are stronger."

Zoro smiled, but not in a nasty or mean way. He meant it. "But those legs of yours are not so bad, really …"

_Silence. _

"Not in THAT way, idiot!"

* * *

**Author's note:** Ta-daaa! I really laughed my head off at writing this … really, I'm headless now xD

Oh yeah, and I don't know if Sanji actually is as weak as I depicted him with the katanas, but … well, at least he's not used to it, but if it comes to … let's say … cradling beautiful ladies in his arms, I think he'd manage that quite well ;-)

Hope you enjoyed. If you did, you could let _me_ enjoy and review ... If you want :-)


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